Posted by: malia | January 12, 2008

you might be a teacher if…

this email has been making its rounds. i received it earlier, and again today, as we prepare for the kids to come back. [my comments are italicized.]

Jeff Foxworthy’s Take on Teachers

1. You can hear 25 voices behind you and know exactly which one belongs to the child out of line.

i can. then when i do turn around to look at them, they have stunned expressions on their faces like how did you know?!?! 

2. You get a secret thrill out of laminating something.
not as much anymore, though i did when i was first starting out! i thought laminating was so cool. i guess i’m over it now! heeheehee. but the poster-maker? now, that’s something to marvel at.

3. You walk into a store and hear the words “It’s Ms/Mr. ______” and know you have been spotted.

i *always* freeze as soon as i hear “kumu…” i don’t even have to hear what follows that, i just freeze and know that i’ve been spotted. then i turn with a plastic smile and wave and then scoot away all embarrassed. especially when it’s somewhere i don’t think they’d even be, like when i’m in town or something, and i’m just walking down the street and then there’s someone sticking their head out of the window of a passing car, shouting my name and waving frantically. then as soon as i see them in school next, it’s like “i SAW you!” and they giggle like it was the funniest thing in the world. eesh!

4. You have 25 people that accidentally call you Mom/Dad at one time or another.

yes. well i’ve never been called dad, but i get the “mom” thing all the time. i was even called “gramma” once! *glare*

5. You can eat a multi-course meal in under fifteen minutes. 
i probably could. i’ve never tried (who has the time to eat?!) but i probably could, knowing that i have to get something down before the kiddies return.

6. You’ve trained yourself to go to the bathroom at two distinct times of the day: lunch and recess.

sadly, our lunch and recess is combined, so my two times of the day i get to go to the bathroom is lunch/recess and after school. yup.

7. You start saving other people’s trash, because most likely, you can use that toilet paper tube or plastic butter tub for something in the classroom.

yes, we actually have a “tool box” for science that is a collection of all these types of things–toilet paper tubes, butter tubs, egg cartons, etc. kids come up with some pretty good things though! i always wonder though if their parents make them throw their projects away when they come home with them! heehee

8. You believe the teachers’ lounge should be equipped with a margarita machine.

well, i don’t drink, so i wouldn’t benefit from a magarita machine. but it would be nice to even *have* a teacher’s lounge. we need to get that first. then maybe adding a softserve ice cream machine…yummm…

9. You want to slap the next person who says “Must be nice to work 7 to 3 and have summers off.”

tell me about it. grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

10. You believe chocolate is a food group.

well, no. but ice cream is 😉

11. You can tell if it’s a full moon without ever looking outside.


12. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, “Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.”

well, my kids are usually very mellow, but when it’s said first thing in the morning…yup. something’s gonna happen. and if someone mentions how polite my children are, that means we’re going to get interrupted before that person is even done saying that. and i do glare at anyone who tells me “wow, your kids get along so great!” because that means a fight will erupt in 3…2…1…

13. You feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior when you are out in public.

heeheeheehee. sadly, yes. but i control that urge, unless what the child is doing is very dangerous and parent seems oblivious.

14. You believe in aerial spraying of Ritalin.

well…i don’t know. poor kids turn so droopy. but some days…

15. You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.

not really a caffeine person, but i know others who wish this.

16. You spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.

oh gosh, break my heart just a little bit more, why don’t you? yes, a million times yes. i feel sooo guilty because i always buy stuff for my class and my son gets nothing. and he’ll light up when he sees me looking at something and he’ll comment about how he’d like to have that or what he could do with it, and i always go, “no, it’s for my class.” and the look on his face as his whole expression just drops…*sigh* even when i bake something, he’ll go, “ooo smells good, can i have?” then i look at him, and he stops and goes, “oh. it’s for your class.” *sigh* bad mommy.

17. You can’t pass the school supply aisle without getting at least five items!

yes. or even walmart, in general, without five things strictly for my class!

18. You ask your friends if the left hand turn he just made was a “good choice or a bad choice.”

heeheehee i’m not that bad, i think. but i do this to my son all the time.

19. You find true beauty in a can full of perfectly sharpened pencils.

a year ago, i wouldn’t have agreed…but just this year for some reason, i do this! i’ll sharpen all the pencils in the community pencil cup and just stare at it admiringly afterwards. such beauty in the way the pencils fall in the cup, with the various tips pointing this way and that, and the slight shave curling out of one pencil, and all the colors and lines…lovely.
20. You are secretly addicted to hand sanitizer.

heeheehee, they are wonderful, but i’m not as addicted as most are… what i *am* addicted to, and it’s not so much really the kids, but just the fact that i like to feel girly, is those bath&bodyworks little lotion bottles. there’s a couple of teachers who always have a stock in their bags, and just before meetings or something, they’ll pass them around and everyone takes a squirt and mmmmm smells soooooooo nice and my hands feel so soft and smell so lovely and it’s just heavenly and just a small little luxury in an otherwise hectic day, and something that i look forward to so i have something else to pay attention to during the meetings. 😛

and finally,

21. You understand instantaneously why a child behaves a certain way after meeting his or her parents.



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